Intimacy - what is it? Exploring 4 types of intimacy and how to sustain them.

4 Types of Intimacy

I call myself an intimacy coach - so I thought it would be a good idea to elaborate on the topic of intimacy and talk what intimacy is and how to sustain it.

You might think I'm euphemistically referring to sex and intercourse. But it's much more than that.

If you want to rebuild closeness and connection - or improve the quality of your sex lives it's helpful to be curious about how to connect beyond sex and intercourse.

Although sex is as close as you can physically get to your partner, it can be lacking in intimacy. A healthy, happy long-term relationship needs multiple layers of intimacy in order to thrive. Here are four main areas to think about:

Emotional intimacy

As a couple, you need to feel safe and comfortable sharing your innermost thoughts and feelings. We confide in the people we trust, and we need to feel that we can do that without judgement or ridicule.

When sharing our fears, worries, dreams and disappointments, we want to feel that we’re seen and understood. That doesn’t mean you always agree with each other, but it does mean that you do it with the understanding that it’s confidential and uninhibited.

Spiritual intimacy

Spiritual intimacy isn’t about religious beliefs and practices. Although if you share a religion you may enjoy sharing prayer and a religious community.

Secular couples can explore many other forms of spiritual intimacy. Developing a spiritual connection is about transcending everyday busyness and sharing moments connecting to something bigger than ourselves and our personality. Moments such as watching a sunrise, enjoying the silence in nature, discussing your sense of purpose or meditating together.

Intellectual intimacy

You both have the freedom to have different viewpoints and beliefs and areas of interest and study. Your independence and differences can often create an engaging, stimulating conversation. Intellectual intimacy is giving each other the space to discuss what interests and excites you without judgement or conflict.

It’s about valuing and respecting each other. When you have a thought-provoking conversation without judgement or expectation, you’re finding out more about your partner - and about the world. Intelligence can be very attractive - did you know there is a word for it Sapiosexual-.

Physical intimacy

Physical intimacy is a vital part of a romantic relationship. And physical intimacy goes way beyond having sexual intercourse. Yes, sex can is important but it’s not just about sex! Touch and closeness in a relationship help us to relax, calm our nervous systems, connect, bond and provide the foundations for a good sex life.

If you've been keeping your distance lately, have a conversation about what you'd like more of - such as touching, caressing, holding hands, massage, hugging and kissing.

Overcoming fears around intimacy

Many of us have a fear of intimacy that stems from childhood wounds, and this can often get in the way of sustaining a relationship. If couples have very different attachment styles it is easy to get caught up in a vicious circle of triggering each other. If you know that you're finding intimacy a struggle - don't suffer in silence.

Working with a relationship coach or therapist can help you to explore what gets in the way of connection and what to do about it. So if this is an area you’d like to explore with an experienced intimacy therapist, do reach out. I’m able to work with you individually, as well as as a couple, so send me an email and let’s discuss how I can help you bring more intimacy into your life.

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You get 20 tried and tested exercises to rekindle intimacy - with conversation prompts, clearly laid out exercises and discussion guides to help with everyday intimacy, sexual intimacy and bringing back some romance.