WANT TO ARGUE LESS? Using Co-Regulation for Couples

WANT TO ARGUE LESS?

How to hack the nervous system to prevent arguments escalating. When couples argue with each other, they often get into a downward spiral. So by learning how to positively co-regulate with each other we don't waste time getting lost in an argument.

So what are 4 tips for co-regulation?

Number One - Slowing Down

You can support them by you slowing down, by not giving too much information, not speaking in lots of sentences really quickly, but keeping things in short sentences.

Number Two - Tone of Voice

We can slip into a cold or harsh tone of voice or a loud tone of voice or a squeaky and high tone voice. None of those really helps our partner know that they are safe. A softer tone really helps. So for example, you can just repeat something back that they said but softly "I heard you, thank you for telling me that".

Number Three - Facial expression

What we know about the nervous system and regulation is that when we have show a neutral face, anyone with a trauma history may read that as anger. If we have past trauma we're hypervigilant looking for safety. So you can really help your partner by offering a smile, offering kind eyes, being able to offer that soft voice. This will really help to support their nervous system coming into a more calm, relaxed state.

Number Four - Touch

Touch can help or hinder, this very much depends on the individual. Some people they may not like touch very much. So obviously you wouldn't touch somebody who doesn't who doesn't like touch. I hope that goes without saying. But I recommend you do have a conversation if you're in a couple about what would you like, If you are the one who's triggered, might you be open to touch or would you rather not have touch?

And, if you're the one who's going to offer some touch, then again, slowness is your friend. Make sure you go slow enough that that they've got a chance to stop you and say no if they don't want it.

If want to keep learning more about co-regulation, I'm always offering master classes throughout the year. you can sign up to the next one link in Bio.

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