Unlocking the Secrets of Love with Sternberg's Triangular Theory

We talk all the time about love. But what is love when it comes to romantic relationships?  Enter Robert Sternberg's Triangular Theory of Love. I love using this powerful model to explore how 3 key components intertwine for a fulfilling love connection.

The Triangular Theory of Love

Sternberg's theory breaks down love into three main elements:

1. Intimacy: This is the emotional core of love, reflecting the closeness, communication, and connection you share with your partner. It forms the basis for deep friendships.

2. Passion: The spark that ignites romantic and physical attraction. It's the driving force behind the excitement of being with your partner and the magnetic pull of sexual attraction. It also includes shared exciting pursuits like dancing, travel and shared creativity.

3. Commitment/Decision: The conscious, intentional element—the choosing to prioritise the relationship and builds longer-term commitment. It's the rational choice to share love with a specific person.

The Different Types of Love

Combining these elements in various ways gives rise to different types of love. Companionate love, for instance, thrives on intimacy and commitment, while romantic love is a blend of intimacy and passion. When all three elements are in harmony we can create extraordinary relationships.

Navigating Your Relationship

Understanding how these components play out in your relationship makes for a fascinating discussion.  If intimacy stands alone, you might be missing depth. Passion alone means infatuation, while commitment alone results in empty love—resembling more of a roommate situation.

Applying Sternberg’s Wisdom

Take Action:

• Reflect on what each component means for your relationship.
• Ask thought-provoking questions like 'What is passion for us?' and 'How do we build intimacy/passion/commitment?'
• Use Sternberg's Triangle as a guide to identify areas that may need attention.

Understanding the dynamics of your love triangle helps you to identify areas for attention and growth