Slow Sex

There are so many different types of sex, quickies, solo pleasuring, power and dominance and making love. The one I love most to talk about, especially with couples in midlife - is slow sex.  Going slow means not just focusing on an end goal but on bringing greater consciousness, awareness and focus on connection during sex. So, if you’re looking to increase intimacy and create a stronger mind-body connection to yourself and your partner, read on...

Sex is often out of date with who you now are

Not only does your body change as you age, so does your libido. But how you have sex will change too. You’re not the same person you were in your twenties. Quite often, when we’re younger, sex is frantic, passionate and fast. Lust and thrust. Quickies are exciting, and you both want to reach a powerful climax.

But as you age, your sexual preferences and focus are likely to change.

What is slow sex?

And that’s where slow sex comes into its own. It’s not just about having sex; it’s about making love and being with each other in connection without a goal. When we practice slow sex, the focus is on slower touch, and paying close attention to sensation all over the body.

Key to going slow is to be really present, and curious and notice what's happening in our own body in every moment.

For women, our breasts can play a key role in slow sex. In Daoist sexual teaching, they are the centre of a woman’s sexual energy. It's not about nipple tweaking!  We don't need to stimulate them strongly to release this energy - it is a beautiful exploration to bring awareness to them, focusing on sending warmth to the breasts and melting into them. You may like to invite your partner to gently hold your breasts in a resting, cupping way. Or, to visualise your loving feelings moving from your breast towards your partner.

The beauty of slow sex is it has less focus on doing and more emphasis on being present and feeling. There is nowhere to get to and nothing to get 'right'.

Resources

If you’d like to explore slow sex further, I have some great resources to recommend. Firstly, two books by Diana Richardson: Tantric Sex for Men: Making Love a Meditation and Tantric Orgasm for Women. These are fabulous resources for you if you’re looking to understand how to elevate sex into a higher love activity.

The second resource I have for you is my Reawaken Desire In Midlife Mini Course. It’s a four-week journey for women to help you reconnect with desire and includes teachings on arousal, pleasure, slow sex, mindfulness in sex and how to enjoy making love without a goal. It's coming soon!

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