10 Tips for Choosing a Partner

You know that stage when you've been seeing someone for a while and are asking - is this going anywhere? Are we really compatible? Is there a future here?  It's normal to feel unsure and have questions.   This blog offers ten tips to help you decide 'is this person going to be  compatible with me in the long term?'

#1: Choose someone who shares your values

Once you are clear on your values, you can see if they are a good match with a potential partner.  Empathy, honesty, kindness, and generosity, are a great baseline values from which a good relationship can flourish.

#2: Wants growth

When choosing a partner, look for someone who saves a similar view about growth. If growth is an important value for you - make sure that they know that and are happy to support you and your hope for the future. If they don't have ambition or interest in personal growth, will that work for you, and can you support their choices?

#3: You like their friends

You can get a good indication of the type of person your partner is by the friends they keep. It’s one of the reasons why it's so important to meet and have something in common with their friends. Not only are they a part of your partner's life, but they’re also the people who have supported and influenced them most - and will continue to do so. 

#4: Lifestyle congruence

You’re looking for happiness when choosing a partner, and you want that happiness to last. When it comes to choosing a partner, it's important have a match your lifestyle expectations. This can include life goals, for example,  having children and living near family & travel ambitions, as well as lifestyle choices like exercise and smoking.

#5: Friendship is crucial when choosing a partner

You need to be friends with your partner. Looks, money, energy levels and libido can all change throughout your lifetime. But it’s the loving friendship you have for each other that will continue. If you don’t have friendship and can’t confide in them, you’re likely to struggle.

#6: Admiration for each other

If you can't admire your potential partner in some way and you feel disappointed by them - it will chip away at your relationship.  You want to respect each other, and some form of admiration helps you to form those deep bonds. Together, you’re more likely to then become a team, even when arguments and conflicts arise.

#7: The three love triangle essentials

The partner you choose has to want the same kind of relationship as you. The three components of love are passion, dependence and intimacy. Each of these three is important and it's a great idea to talk about how important each of these are for you both - and how you can handle any differences.

#8: Choose a partner you can laugh with

Life is going to throw challenges your way. It helps if you’re with someone who can maintain a sense of humour and make you smile, even when you’re going through challenges.

#9: Kindness is key

When you’re choosing a partner, a key quality to look out for is someone who is kind. All relationships will face difficulties and struggles - being able to stay kind even when feeling hurt, disappointed or let down makes such a huge difference to the quality of relating.

#10: Physical compatibility

If you’re a tactile person, partnering with someone who shares that desire helps to avoid disappointment and hurt down the line. Most people’s desire for sex changes over a lifetime, but our need for touch remains fairly constant.

Deciding whether a new relationship is worth investing in and building isn't always easy - I hope these tips have given you some food for thought.

Also, check out ‘A Five Star Practice for Creating Beautiful Relationships’ by Dr Keith Witt. He gives you five brilliant questions to think about to see if your date has relationship potential.

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